John Maxwell says, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” The truth is that relationships matter. And I think for most of us we know that cognitively, but too many times our actions place them at the bottom of our priority list.
Before writing this post, I just got off the phone with a close friend. We were talking about the blessing of the community that the Lord has given us in this season of life. We know that we are not entitled to it. It’s truly a gift from the Lord. One of things I shared with him was that about 2 years ago, I didn’t recognize the blessing of relationships. I was thankful to have them, but didn’t appreciate just how vital they are to our life. I know I took many of the people in my life for granted. However, now, I’m beginning to understand their importance. I can honestly say I have a greater appreciation for the people the Lord has placed in my life during this season.
As a result of this revelation, I am striving to not just say with my mouth that relationships are one of my top priorities, but more importantly with my actions. I am learning how to effectively love and serve my family, friends, and staff. And one of the biggest lessons that I’ve been shown is the importance and power in “selfless intentionality.”
I don’t know if you are like me, but I have seen in my life that I love and serve those entrusted to me the way I want to be loved and served. You can call it “selfish intentionality.”
In order to understand selfish vs. selfless intentionality, we have to recognize that there are different categories of love. Gary Chapman wrote a great book describing these categories or as he called it “languages.” The premise of his book The 5 Love Languages is that there are different ways to give and receive love. And we are all uniquely wired to feel more loved or valued when someone uses our specific language. The 5 love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. Think of these love languages as specific forms of encouragement.
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Hopefully, you can begin to see how we can love or show intentionality selfishly.
I have a friend of mine whose number one form of being encouraged is words of affirmation. However, for years, the extent of my interactions with them was inviting them to hang out. I would ask them to grab lunch or play basketball. The reason I did this is because the number one way I feel valued or encouraged is through quality time. Basically, I was being selfish with my encouragement. Too often I love and serve people they way I want to be loved and served, not necessarily the way they need to be loved and served. However, after recognizing this, I began to make a more conscious effort to encourage them through words both spoken and written. After a few months, I noticed a drastic difference in the growth in of our friendship as a result of this specific encouragement.
Of course this doesn’t mean we forego the other forms of encouragement. But if you want to become more effective in loving and serving your family, friends, and staff, find out the way they specifically feel encouraged and valued. It will revolutionize your relationships.
How do you specifically like to receive encouragement? What is one thing you can do today to show selfless intentionality to someone you care about?
Tweetable Lesson: Too often I encourage people the way I want to be encouraged not necessarily the way they need to be encouraged.